If you’re a person living with anxiety, there is a good chance that you’ve had experiences with other people really misunderstanding what it’s like to live with anxiety. Maybe people have even made assumptions that are unhelpful or worse, harmful!
To make things more difficult, it can often be hard to describe what it’s really like to live with anxiety. Sometimes those of us who live with it have our own misunderstandings of what causes anxiety, what makes it better, what it means about us, etc.
Further, some of the things that are true about anxiety are not necessarily intuitive, and unfortunately some of the myths are widespread. Let’s explore some of the most common things many people get wrong about anxiety.
1. If you have anxiety, there’s something wrong with you that needs to be “fixed”
Many people think that having an anxiety disorder is a sign of something being seriously wrong with them. Because of how difficult it feels to live with anxiety, there are times where we believe that it means that we are “crazy” or “not normal,” especially when it is getting in the way of things that we want to do.
Especially when we start to think about anxiety as a significant part of our identity, we can start to see it as something that needs to be “fixed.” This is unequivocally untrue. In reality, our brains have adapted to respond to potential dangerous situations by becoming anxious and alerting our fight or flight system.
Our brain also has a negativity bias. It is more primed to see possible danger or something that is wrong than things that are safe or going well. This makes a lot of sense when you think about survival; in order to survive in a dangerous environment you need to be aware of potential risks at all times.
Of course, the struggle is that we no longer live with the same type of dangers that the human brain adapted to face long ago. As a result, anxiety gets triggered at times when we are not in any danger and overestimates the chance of something going wrong.
When you think about it that way, anxiety is really just a sign that we have a very strong survival mechanism. It is not something that needs to be “fixed” or wrong with us. This does not mean that we can’t improve our way of coping with it.
2. You can’t do difficult things/you won’t be successful if you have anxiety
A very common fear of people with anxiety, is that anxiety will get in the way of the things that they want to or need to do. It can also be typical to worry that having anxiety means that you can’t be successful in what is important to you. Sometimes parents even worry about their child having anxiety because they fear it means that their child will not do well later in life.
This fear is what we refer to as an “anxious fiction,” which means it is not based on fact. The truth within this fear is that anxiety does sometimes make it more challenging for us to do certain things. We aren’t ignoring or minimizing this, when we recognize that it also does not have to take us away from doing what is important to us.
We don’t have a choice whether or not things make us anxious, BUT, we do have a choice to continue to focus on and go forward with what’s important to us even when we feel anxious. These two things can be true at the same time: I can be anxious, and I can still do what I want/need to do.
If people tell you that you won’t be successful if you have anxiety….well, ask them if they would consider Lady Gaga to be unsuccessful. Or Bill Hader. Or Selena Gomez. Or Emma Stone. Or Ryan Reynolds, Dak Prescott, Kevin Love, Michael Phelps…the list goes on. Obviously being a celebrity isn’t the only way to define success. Really, it’s more about reaching your personal goals and what you value in your own life.
Anxiety does not have to stop you from doing things you need to do.
3. Anxiety is bad
Some people believe that anxiety is a “bad” emotion. They believe it is not good to feel anxious, we shouldn’t feel anxious, and that we should do whatever we can to get rid of anxiety.
In truth, emotions aren’t black and white. They aren’t “good” or “bad,” although it can be tempting to label them this way. Every emotion has a purpose, a message, and a place in our life. We need anxiety to signal to us when something could be potentially unsafe or dangerous, and to pay attention to and invest time and effort in what’s important to us. A certain amount of anxiety is helpful.
Anxiety can be uncomfortable, but is more helpful for us to label this just as it is. There is a difference between something being uncomfortable and something being “bad.”
4. Treatment can get rid of anxiety
Because we just covered that a certain amount of anxiety is helpful for us to have, it makes sense to follow with challenging this next myth. Sometimes people come into treatment looking to eliminate their anxiety.
Anxiety can be incredibly challenging to live with at times. We can fantasize about what life would be like if we didn’t have anxiety at all. However, it’s really not possible to eliminate anxiety even with the best medications and therapy. We also know that it’s not particularly helpful for us to focus on not being anxious.
We have to remember that a fair amount of our anxiety exists because we are anxious about being anxious! This is where avoidance comes in- when we avoid something that makes us feel anxious, we are really trying to avoid the feeling of anxiety. As we know, this only ends up exacerbating our anxiety and keeping us in the anxiety cycle.
Instead, treatment is often focused on living our best life, with anxiety. This is possible!! It’s not either having a good life, or having anxiety. It’s having a good life while also managing anxiety. Often, the less we focus on overly controlling anxiety and the more we focus on moving towards our goals and values, anxiety ends up lessening and becoming a less central factor in our life.
5. You’re “choosing” to be anxious and just need to get over it
Anxiety is not a choice, point blank, period. It is up to us what we do with our anxiety, and we can certainly make a choice not to work on it or to let our anxiety control our life. However, we cannot chose whether or not we have it in the first place.
Anxiety often arises due to a complicated mix of genetics, temperament, and life stressors. This is not to say that we should consider ourselves to be helpless if we deal with anxiety, and accept as never changing or getting better. We can accept that we deal with anxiety AND choose to work on getting better.
6. Anxiety is not that common
Anxiety is the most common mental health diagnosis. Research is currently suggesting 1 in 3 people deal with clinical level anxiety. Clearly, anxiety is actually quite common.
It can be helpful to remember this when we get down on ourselves, start thinking there is something wrong with us, or feel like we are the only one struggling.
In addition, you can’t typically tell from the outside when someone has anxiety. Sometimes we tell ourselves that we are really different from other people because of what we are dealing with. However, it is still not very common for people to be upfront about what they are struggling with. Even when you know someone well, they may not share their own struggles with anxiety or other mental health concerns.
Recognizing how common anxiety is isn’t meant to minimize our own struggles. It’s meant to help us understand our common humanity and as a result, be kinder to ourselves and others.
7. Anxiety isn’t really a disorder/mental health condition
If everyone has the emotion of anxiety, and even clinical anxiety is so common- is it even really a disorder? Sometimes people will minimize our experiences with anxiety by indicating “everyone has anxiety” or “I’ve had anxiety too and I got through it.”
Yes, it is really a mental health condition, and no, it’s not super helpful when you use your own experiences to invalidate someone else’s. Everyone’s experiences with anxiety are unique.
It becomes a mental health condition not just when we are occasionally experiencing it or noticing it here and there. Rather, when it starts to make it difficult for us to do day to day activities and gets in the way of our functioning. Only a qualified professional can diagnose anxiety- so resist the temptation to diagnose yourself, BUT, do seek out the opinion/help of a professional if you believe you may be dealing with anxiety.
8. If you have anxiety, you just need to exercise more/change your diet/avoid stressful situations, etc.
Has someone ever given you well meaning advise about managing anxiety? “You should exercise more!” “You should try this diet and eliminate sugar/food dye/grain etc.!”
Research is mixed on the role of diet in anxiety, however, consistent exercise has been shown to lower our overall anxiety. Exercise can certainly play an important role in our overall mental health and wellness, however, it is typically only part of a bigger treatment plan.
Most often, people need more than just exercise or a diet change to manage their anxiety. Again, not to say it isn’t important or doesn’t help. Rather, it is not a cure all.
In addition “avoiding stress” isn’t necessarily a part of treating anxiety. Certainly, we may need to make lifestyle changes to help support our anxiety, but it isn’t a one size fits all approach. It’s just not that simple.
9. Children will grow out of anxiety
Seeing your child struggle with anxiety can be really challenging. It can also be hard to know when anxiety in children is normal, and when it is problematic. As a result, sometimes parents wait to get their children in treatment or hope that the anxiety is “just a phase” or will get better on its own.
There are certainly phases of childhood that may lead to more anxiety as part of normal development. When that is the case, anxiety may naturally subside or wax and wane as children go through these various stages.
However, an anxiety disorder, even in children, is different than experiencing a developmentally appropriate level of anxiety. If you look at the impact of the anxiety on functioning, it will help you determine if your child needs to be evaluated for an anxiety disorder, or if they are dealing with normal anxiety that will likely get better on its own.
If your child’s anxiety is getting in the way of their ability to do tasks that would be normal for their age and development, getting in the way of things they want to do, interfering significantly with their daily routines (sleep, eating, school, etc.) , they should likely be assessed by a health professional.
Anxiety disorders are not something that get better on their own, they need treatment to improve. If your child’s anxiety is getting in the way of their functioning, they will be best supported with treatment which will allow them to gain the necessary skills and tools to manage and get back to doing what they want/need to do!
10. Cannabis (or other recreational substances) is helpful for anxiety
It has been increasingly common for people to use cannabis (or other substances) to self-medicate for anxiety. People often report an experience of decreased anxiety while actively using marijuana. However, the research on the impact of cannabis on anxiety shows that it’s actually quite a bit more complicated than that.
Sometimes it does decrease anxiety in the short term, and some people do find benefit from it. The concerns are that other times it actually increases anxiety (typically when there is somewhat higher levels of THC), and is linked to higher rates of some of the most common mental health disorders including generalized anxiety, panic disorder, depression, and OCD.
Young people with brains that are still developing are particularly vulnerable to these effects. There is a link between more frequent use of cannabis with higher THC levels, especially in adolescence or young adulthood, and increased likelihood of developing psychosis.
Depression and anxiety often go hand in hand, and unfortunately studies have indicated that for those experiencing depression and self-medicating with marijuana, it actually increases depressive symptoms.
One of the biggest things to consider though, is whether or not marijuana is a good long term strategy for treating anxiety. For those who it helps in the short term, if misused it is likely to get in the way of them working on other more long-term anxiety management strategies such as behavioral, cognitive, or lifestyle changes.
Summary
Well, there we have it! 10 things that people often get wrong about anxiety. Anxiety is not straightforward or simple although it is quite common. It is not something wrong with us, is not a “bad emotion,” and can actually be helpful in certain amounts. It is valid mental health condition that does not have a quick fix. We may be experiencing it due to a combination of genetic factors, temperament, and life stressors.
Anxiety does not go away on it’s own when it’s at a clinical level, even in children, and treatment does not fully eliminate it. We can help manage our anxiety by recognizing that it doesn’t have to stop us from living a fulfilling life. We can also focus on long-term anxiety management strategies rather than self-medicating.
As always, I wish you the best on your anxiety management journey.
Keep Growing!
