A thinking habit that might be making you feel worse…
If you’ve struggled with feeling depressed, down, or sad for any extended period of time, I have a feeling that you’ve experienced the thinking habit that is the focus of this post today. I can jump to that conclusion because it is such a common thinking pattern that many of us get stuck in. However, therapists recognize that not only does it NOT help us to get better, but it is also likely to make us feel worse about ourselves and only make us feel more stuck in negative moods.
Research has indicated that this type of thinking is common for people who struggle with depression, and the opposite is true as well. People who don’t struggle with depression, are FAR less likely to think this way on a frequent basis- even when they feel sad and down.
What is rumination?
The thinking pattern I’m referring to is called rumination.
To be more specific, there’s actually two kinds of rumination. There is an “unhelpful” and a “helpful” rumination. The unhelpful kind is likely to make us feel more depressed. The helpful kind is more productive and if we use it correctly it can even improve our mood. If unhelpful rumination makes us more depressed, let’s talk about how we can spot it, as well as how we can move ourselves away from this type of thinking and towards something more helpful.
BUT before we go on to explore the difference between helpful and unhelpful rumination, it’s important to note that there is nothing wrong with you if you’ve gotten stuck in patterns of unhelpful rumination. In fact, our mind often thinks this way because we are trying to find answers, search for meaning, or because we actually want to get better. It’s just that our mind is focusing on the wrong thing to help solve our problems.
Differences Between Unhelpful and Helpful Rumination
So, how do we know we are ruminating in an unhelpful way?
Well, in general, rumination refers to repeatedly thinking about things, going back to events from the past, and thinking about things that distress us or cause us difficulty. Everyone ruminates to some extent. When rumination becomes repeated, does not lead to any helpful steps/problem solving, or continues just to focus on what’s wrong with us, then it may become problematic.
Unhelpful Rumination:
-Asks “why” we feel depressed or struggle with something
-Tends to be problem focused
-Tries to find causes or reasons
-Focuses on negative outcomes and consequences of our struggles
-Gets us stuck in a loop- there’s no real end, plan, or action steps
-Examples: “Why am I so depressed?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Will I always feel like this? “
Helpful Rumination:
-Is more “process focused” meaning that focus is on “how” rather than “why”
-Tends to be action focused: thinking about steps that can be taken to get better, solve the problem, etc.
-Is focused on resolution, rather than finding a reason/cause
-Leads to a plan
-Examples: “How can I take action to start feeling better?” “What’s one thing I can do this week that will make me feel better?” “What do I need to differently?”
If we are ruminating specifically on past events, we can assume that it is unhelpful if it is more focused on beating ourselves up or making us feel bad about what happened, rather than learning from it or thinking about how to try to prevent something like that from happening in the future. Ruminating about past events is also a common thinking pattern that comes up with anxiety.
It is important to know that unhelpful rumination does not actually lead to gaining insight about our problems. When we start with the wrong kinds of questions, we are going to end with unhelpful answers that aren’t even likely to be based in truth or fact. For example, when I ask myself “Why am I depressed?” I may come up with a lot of unhelpful answers such as believing that there is something wrong with me, this is just the way I am, or I did something wrong to deserve feeling bad. However, when I ask myself “How can I feel less depressed?” I’m going to start thinking about what I can do to help support feeling better- and recognize that the “why” is honestly less important in the long run.
Now that we have been able to discuss these two different types of rumination, here’s how you can help yourself not get so stuck in unhelpful rumination.
What to do when you get stuck in unhelpful rumination
If you are noticing yourself get stuck in unhelpful rumination, recognize what’s happening and gently remind yourself. You can say to yourself- “Hey! I know I’m trying to figure things out but thinking about “why” over and over isn’t going to help.” Then, you can redirect your attention and ask yourself:
-Is what I’m thinking about something that I can do anything about?
-Is the way I’m thinking about this leading to thoughts that are based in fact?
-Am I likely to face this problem again in the future?
-Is the way I’m thinking about this helping me come up with a plan?
-What’s one small thing that I can take action on today related to this problem?
Self-reflection is important and valuable but different from unhelpful rumination. People who get caught up in unhelpful rumination tend to value self-reflection and improvement, so really the fact that it happens in the first place is just a sign of what’s important to us. We can recognize this and take steps so that it truly does help us improve and get better.
Keep Growing!
